I woke up with a heaviness in my head today. It was an uneasy night, with varied objects flying at and around me – DeBono’s colored hats, different kinds of grids, theories, beliefs, suspicions, half-conclusions – all mocking at my inability to accommodate them with due respect.
The equipment that I own looks something like this, and it is grossly inadequate
I need a filing cabinet , and space is not an issue. It should be flexible enough to hold diversity, accessible enough to return items on demand, spongy enough to absorb new streams and durable enough to last for a lifetime. It should allow fungibility for inter-spatial movement, and well-structured launchpads to catapult an integrated product. The brain is performing all these functions, with not-so-satisfactory results and constantly asking for re-engineering.
Does my fantasy look something like this?
The co-ordinated movement is a myth, a fantasy. I have been weighed down by competing instincts and logic, all night and all my life.
The Banker in me is counting the boxes, and calculating the weighted average.
The Image Consultant in me is admiring the interplay of shapes and colors, and imagining the person or garment that it will adorn.
The Coach in me is trying to interpret the creator’s mental process.
The Entrepreneur in me is thinking how to package it, and find a buyer.
The Thinker in me is analysing, sifting and sorting and picking up the compatible pieces.
The Writer in me is trying to put a framework on parts of it, though it may create incomplete and intriguing pictures.
Does my persona add value to the structure, or am I a product shaped by these intertwining pieces ? Is my life a jigsaw puzzle of putting these pieces together? This is just intra-personal conflict.
And how will it complement or clash with others’ thought processes? The interactions with them will lend new dimensions to some of these elements, in a manner that they do not pop out and fall, but find justification to stay inside that structure.
ABRACADABRA ! This is what I was looking for. The thought that makes me pop out and fall, find my feet again, and then wings. The thought that will catapult me from ordinary to extraordinary, from masses to classes, from mundane to mind-blowing. This is not an idea, not a discovery, not an invention. This is pure energy, an irresistible driving force, a point of Transformation, that renders everything else meaningless. This is the Launchpad that I wanted in that filing cabinet of mine. The ejection force will be generated from within, and will be sufficient to fight the opposing forces outside.
This is Creativity ! This is the Essence of Life ! The opaque surfaces around me acquire reflective powers to turn into mirrors. This is the defining moment, which helps us discover ourselves. It is the insane, brute power that makes us sane and sensible. It is the moment that makes people start new ventures, give up addictive behaviour, take off on journeys around the world, and just BE THEMSELVES. It gives lucidity to a complex piece of literature, it lends colour and vibrancy to sketchy outlines, it lends meaning to the whole business of existence. It makes life a summary of ideas that succeeded and failed, rather than a sum of years or decades.
It does not happen only to the Einsteins and Michaelangelos in the world. Each of us can go through this process, with some hand-holding from a being, who was enlightened before you did.
It could also be an acceptance of reality, that change in a given framework is beyond our means and power. The only way to move ahead is transiting to a new framework, or counting the blessings and staying on. This is the moment that makes people quit jobs and relationships and chuck commitments . The Gautam Buddhas and John Galts were all born in this moment. Atlas Shrugs in these moments. And moves ahead to discover newer worlds.
I found this piece written four years ago. Republishing it here.