I’m talking to you. In a moment, I’m not…. You are not there.
I see you being transformed into a familiar, but horrific being – eyes bulging out, a disconnected expression, hands moving aimlessly in the air, clenched teeth and a desire to kill.
I survive the night, live in hope of a better future, and then … it happens again.
You seem to revel in the ghoulish parts of your being. I often wonder what makes you hold on to it. Is it an effort to scare the living daylights out of others? Is it a compensation for something you missed doing earlier? Do you find meaning in the darkness within, to escape from humdrum realities around? Does it lend depth to an otherwise hollow existence?
I have no answers. There is a strong desire to help, but you don’t want to be helped.
Yet, I live through it, sharpening my insights – then disconnecting to retain my own sanity.